Wherein my head explodes and I have to crawl back into bed

An Iowa Republican has introduced a bill that would legislate the importance of Christmas.

As Space Cowboy says, if Christianity and Christmas are so all important to a majority of people in the world, why do we need the reminder? Do we really need Congress to acknowledge that Christianity is one of the great religions of the world? Maybe I could make some heads explode by reminding people that Christmas does not necessarily fall on Jesus' birthday, and that our Christmas traditions are derived from the pagan celebration of Saturnalia in an attempt to allow early Christians to celebrate their faith free of persecution. You know, back when Christians were actually persecuted.

As an atheist, I have every reason to believe people like myself are persecuted every day. However, I'm not whining to Congress to get atheism recognized through legislation, although that doesn't seem like a bad idea at this point.

Lifestyles of the Rich and Pathetic

Via Jessica, this New York Times story was not fit to read over lunch, but I did anyway. Big mistake. *burp*

Summary: Really wealthy people with powerful careers hire a woman to plan their lifestyles. Clothes, social activities, living quarters, even friends. All of her clients are men, she's had only one female client, and it sounds like she only got help finding a place to live. Quite honestly, getting help finding a place to live is not such a bad idea, especially if you're new in town. And double especially if it's New York City, but I digress.

Most of Ms. Storr’s clients are single and too preoccupied with work to organize their personal lives, she says.

Isn't your personal life a pretty important part of the rest of your life? Aren't you missing out on a lot when you have someone else plan it for you? Are these people just so socially inept that they can't deal with social stuff and have to hire someone to make it a little easier?

Not really. Money quote:

He calls her an outsourced wife. “The nice thing is that when I ask her to do something, she gets it done and there’s no negative feelings."

Barf.

In other words, he'd love to be able to boss around his wife, but that uppity bitch gets in his face, so now he pays someone to let him boss her around. Got it. I once dated a guy who used to bitch about all the things he had to do for himself (pick up drycleaning, grocery shopping, post office, regular daily stuff) and say that he needed a wife. When I corrected him and told him that what he really wanted was a personal assistant, he came right back and said he'd rather have a wife. Because they're basically free, and you can fuck them after a long day of bossing them around. I dumped him a few days later. I can't believe it took me so long.

At the end of the piece, we see that one of her clients is still lost:

Mr. Peik looked pleased but slightly out of his element, as if observing a diorama of his New York life and trying to figure out where he fit in. “It’s been a really fun night,” he said. “It didn’t feel forced and didn’t seem like we were the reason for Allison having a party.”

Really? Did he say that with a straight face? Here comes my chicken salad on rye . . .

PTA Butt Sex?

So, over at Jezebel, they have their usual "Crap [Something] From a Dude" and today it's an eBay listing. But in the comments, there are actually two discussions going on:

1. PTA bake sales
2. Surprise anal sex

It's just unbelievably awesome.

Really? This again?

So Mike Huckabee has trotted out the tired claim that because women have so many abortions, we have to import illegal immigrants to do jobs we don't have enough people to do. Right. He's apparently been hanging out with Tom Delay.

Any time this argument comes up, I wonder how many illegal immigrants the speaker has employed either directly or indirectly. And I'm sure that Mike would be more than willing to take that field picking job away from an immigrant. Way to conflate arguments.

Swell

As if I needed another reason to be terrified of College Republicans, this has been making the rounds:


I know people like this. They seem to be too afraid of an original thought that they just parrot the party line. This video reminds me of something I noticed around 1998-99, while I was finishing college. After spending 4 years (shut it, I was on the 5 year plan!) in classes where formal and informal debate was encouraged, I was shocked to see that professors started to shut down discussion because of a few belligerent students.

Folks, these are the Republicans of today. They do not engage in debate, but rather shout down anyone with a different idea with ignorant catch phrases, not thinking about what they're really saying.

One look at those bumper stickers at the beginning is all you need to know.

Kids get caught, lie, planet somehow doesn't implode

This story is really hilarious, once you get past the utterly ballsy bigotry. Yeah, I could go on and on about the father's bigoted views of homosexuality, particularly those dirty lesbians, but I won't. That would be too predictable.

Instead, I'm going to laugh my ass off. It is so clear that these kids were looking for this book, or at least were goofing around the "naughty" section instead of doing what they were supposed to be doing. Which was looking for information on military schools. And what teenage boy isn't going to look at pictures of HOT LEZBIONIC SEXXX?

I'm a librarian. Granted, I'm an academic librarian, not a public librarian, but the gig works pretty much the same way. We have shelves of books which are catalogued and arranged in a way to make them easy for users to locate. Academic libraries usually use the Library of Congress Classification System, while public libraries use the Dewey Decimal System. So, there is very little chance that The Whole Lesbian Sex Book was shelved near the military education books. I'd say that this book would be shelved in the 600's, while the military books were shelved in the 500's. Close, but no, um, cigar.

Unless the book magically flew off the shelf and assaulted the boys into reading it, I don't buy it. And to think the father is just so outraged that his sons learned about a very real sexuality just tops it. I can guarantee that these boys knew what lesbians were, and probably what they did together, so Dad just seems to be grubbing for money and attention.

Nothing says "morals" like gay-bashing and eating meat!

Via Pam, I learned that at UNC-Greensboro the College Republicans are staging Morality Week. In front of the library.

Honestly, I have no problem with groups like College Republicans, and feel they have every right to express their political concerns as any other group. Anti-choice? Fine. March against reproductive choice. Pro war? Go ahead and have a recruiter; hell, enlist yourself!

But when these groups spout hate speech, I have a problem. One of the events is called "Straight Pride Day" which is an obvious hijack of a similar event held by homosexuals. What we have here are folks who are so skeeved out by "teh butt sex" that they claim homosexuals are shoving their lifestyle in everyone's faces. They often ask, "Why can't you just keep it to yourself?"

My answer: Try keeping your heterosexuality to yourself. Don't wear a wedding ring. Don't hold hands with your spouse/partner. Don't put pictures of your spouse/partner on your desk. Don't change your name after marrying.

See? The list could go on and on.

But I'm actually used to this kind of hate speech, even if it does make my skin crawl every time. What bothers me is the PETA BBQ.

When I saw this, I was confused, and thought that there was a mistake. But in this case, the College Republicans did something just so clever, wouldn't you know. PETA stands for "People for the Eating of Tasty Animals". Get it? It's so funny, I forgot to laugh!

First off, what the hell does this have to do with the Republican platform? Is their new target vegetarians? Are animals getting in the way of their agenda? I'm really confused.

Second, well, it's just gross. I eat meat occasionally, and I don't think I could eat the BBQ that they served at such an event because it would remind me of why I don't eat meat very often. Are they really going to sit around and talk about how tasty that pig or cow is? That just sounds morbid and boring.

But now I've had a thought! Maybe this event will turn more people off meat, and produce some vegetarians, even if just part timers! Now, that would make me laugh!

Rich Men, Beautiful Women

I was watching the Today Show this morning (yes, I still watch even though Katie is gone and the show is really just one long advertisement) and saw this sickening feature: Does beauty plus money equal love?

I missed most of Today's feature, but followed up at the ultra-creepy website, Pocket Change. From the website:

Pocket Change is honoring the age old union of wealthy men and hot girls. Society has taught us to not publicly acknowledge the obvious - no longer dear friends. Women want money in a man, men want beauty in a woman – this is a factual force of nature. Women don’t ask “So, what does he do for a living?” because they’re interested in his personality and guys don’t ask “is she hot?” because they’re concerned with character. Guys know that money buys them the car, the house and the trophy wife. This genetic cleansing is how the wealthy stay beautiful.

Barf.

This is no joke. The requirement for men to apply to this service is an income level of $500,000 for a 30 year old. (This threshold lowers for younger men.) For the women? They must submit 5 pictures, which will be judged by this woman solely on beauty. No extra information is allowed, because, you know, you wimmins are just supposed to sit there and look purty! Well, at least the ticket price for women is lower than the $500 it is for men: a steal at just $50!

I suppose I'm not surprised that there is an organization like this out there. I'm a little more surprised that a mainstream news outlet (NBC, New York Mag) are doing stories on it. I can't imagine the types of men one would meet at such an event. It's prostitution. The men simply want to buy the "services" of a beautiful woman with jewelry, travel, and a hefty will in return for a bit of arm candy. (I shudder as I use that term, but it's apropos here.)

One more comment: I did overhear on Today's story that they are doing a reverse event in the future with rich women and hot men. But, the income threshold for the women in in the millions, versus half a million for the men. Glass ceiling, anyone?

I'm half tempted to send in some pictures of me with my eye patch, just to kick up some dust.

Didn't you know that your womb is state property?

Two stories have really caught my attention this week. The first story comes out of Tampa, Florida -- my hometown. A 21 year old woman attended Gasparilla with some friends last weekend, and decided at about 1:30 p.m. to head back to her car and go home. On her way home, she was brutally raped. In broad daylight. When she finally made it back to her car, she called the police, who then took her to get medical help. While she was being examined, the police discovered she had an outstanding warrant and arrested her. The victim went to jail for two nights and was denied the second dose of her emergency contraception, because the jail nurse had a religious conflict.

The second story is out of Kansas City, Missouri, where a pregnant woman was arrested while having a miscarriage. She had stolen a car, and in the process of whatever it was that she was doing, she started to miscarry. The police disregarded the fact that she was having a miscarriage and hauled her off to jail anyway. The female officer asked, "How is that my problem?" The woman gave birth, and the baby died shortly after.

These two stories have been around the feminist blogosphere a lot, and they have a lot of obvious facts in common that I won't get into here. One thing that I haven't seen discussed is that there is a strong culture in this country of seeing women as hysterical and freakish children. In the case of the rape victim, the officers apparently didn't know what the big deal was. In the case of the miscarriage, the officers apparently thought she was having her period.

Why aren't women given more agency in this culture? Why are we not believed even when there are obvious signs of something wrong?

I think it's simply because women are still unconciously (or maybe consciously by state officials) classified as the sex class, as sub-human. The lack of sex education in this country is also contributing to a lack of understanding of how the human body works. If a woman says she's been raped, take care of the medical needs and evidence first, then worry about her criminal history. Being raped requires medical attention, and a violent rape can cause serious damage to a victim's internal organs, not to mention her psyche. If a woman is bleeding vaginally, or bleeding from anywhere but a paper cut, when you arrest her, investigate it before you get blamed for it. Duh!

This reminds me of a recent story where a man in Australia was arrested for vaginally and anally raping his wife with foreign objects. I talked to a man I know about this case, and he didn't understand what the big deal was. When I suggested that he be anally raped by his wife in his sleep, he cringed. "That's different," he said. How is it different? Most men just don't acknowledge the invasive nature the sex act for a female. So it's okay to shove something up my ass, but not up yours? M-kay.

But that's a topic for another post.

When your wit just makes you look like a twit

Via Sheezlebub, I heard about this lovely column from the Statesman Journal. Yeah, yeah, it's supposed to be "humorous" but, come on, what a dickhead!

I have a pretty good sense of humor, but this bile just trots out all the tired old jokes.
One.
More.
Time.

Just because Purcell's column is "opinion" and "humor" doesn't mean that you can't find offense in it.

The product of Purcell's ego masturbation is a call for everyone to get married. (Funny, I'm sure he didn't mean everyone, because surely gays and lesbians don't count.) Yup, ladies, you need a man to take care of! And someone else's mess to clean up! Because, without you, men will die:

"Look, ladies, deciding not to marry for your own well-being is one thing, but it is we you're not marrying in the process. Your decision is killing single men — literally."

Wah. He then goes on a bender of berating men in general, although I don't think this was his intent, because they basically can't take care of themselves and will drink themselves into oblivion until a woman comes and saves 'em. I have to tell this guy, right after I got married my now ex-husband started drinking more, not less; of course, so did I. (Comments on this from members of the He-Man Woman Haters Club will be deleted promptly.)

And he wasn't any sort of protection:

"And when you hear a prowler rattling the door knob in the middle of the night, whom do you send to investigate? Your cat?"

Right. When ex-hubby and I were living together before the wedding (the horrors!) I woke up at 2 a.m. to some backyard noises. I nudged the lug awake, and in military fashion he reached for his handgun and played James Bond to the backyard. He returned to bed silently. When I asked what it was, he replied, "I almost shot a racoon."

There are lots of great reasons to get married. But there are a lot more reasons not to get married, all of which are outlined in this column. So, ladies, if you want to know who not to marry, read Purcell's drivel. It makes me appreciate that Miles is the only man in my life!

And sorry, Purcell, but my cat can kick your ass any day!

Compulsion

Sometimes when I'm going through my daily routines, the most bizarre things happen, and I feel like I just have to share these stories with the world. If I didn't laugh at my life, I'd probably be in a nut house, so I feel compelled to write it all down.

I have no agenda here, although my politics will surely come through at some point. Sit back and enjoy the show.