Lifestyles of the Rich and Pathetic

Via Jessica, this New York Times story was not fit to read over lunch, but I did anyway. Big mistake. *burp*

Summary: Really wealthy people with powerful careers hire a woman to plan their lifestyles. Clothes, social activities, living quarters, even friends. All of her clients are men, she's had only one female client, and it sounds like she only got help finding a place to live. Quite honestly, getting help finding a place to live is not such a bad idea, especially if you're new in town. And double especially if it's New York City, but I digress.

Most of Ms. Storr’s clients are single and too preoccupied with work to organize their personal lives, she says.

Isn't your personal life a pretty important part of the rest of your life? Aren't you missing out on a lot when you have someone else plan it for you? Are these people just so socially inept that they can't deal with social stuff and have to hire someone to make it a little easier?

Not really. Money quote:

He calls her an outsourced wife. “The nice thing is that when I ask her to do something, she gets it done and there’s no negative feelings."

Barf.

In other words, he'd love to be able to boss around his wife, but that uppity bitch gets in his face, so now he pays someone to let him boss her around. Got it. I once dated a guy who used to bitch about all the things he had to do for himself (pick up drycleaning, grocery shopping, post office, regular daily stuff) and say that he needed a wife. When I corrected him and told him that what he really wanted was a personal assistant, he came right back and said he'd rather have a wife. Because they're basically free, and you can fuck them after a long day of bossing them around. I dumped him a few days later. I can't believe it took me so long.

At the end of the piece, we see that one of her clients is still lost:

Mr. Peik looked pleased but slightly out of his element, as if observing a diorama of his New York life and trying to figure out where he fit in. “It’s been a really fun night,” he said. “It didn’t feel forced and didn’t seem like we were the reason for Allison having a party.”

Really? Did he say that with a straight face? Here comes my chicken salad on rye . . .

Kids get caught, lie, planet somehow doesn't implode

This story is really hilarious, once you get past the utterly ballsy bigotry. Yeah, I could go on and on about the father's bigoted views of homosexuality, particularly those dirty lesbians, but I won't. That would be too predictable.

Instead, I'm going to laugh my ass off. It is so clear that these kids were looking for this book, or at least were goofing around the "naughty" section instead of doing what they were supposed to be doing. Which was looking for information on military schools. And what teenage boy isn't going to look at pictures of HOT LEZBIONIC SEXXX?

I'm a librarian. Granted, I'm an academic librarian, not a public librarian, but the gig works pretty much the same way. We have shelves of books which are catalogued and arranged in a way to make them easy for users to locate. Academic libraries usually use the Library of Congress Classification System, while public libraries use the Dewey Decimal System. So, there is very little chance that The Whole Lesbian Sex Book was shelved near the military education books. I'd say that this book would be shelved in the 600's, while the military books were shelved in the 500's. Close, but no, um, cigar.

Unless the book magically flew off the shelf and assaulted the boys into reading it, I don't buy it. And to think the father is just so outraged that his sons learned about a very real sexuality just tops it. I can guarantee that these boys knew what lesbians were, and probably what they did together, so Dad just seems to be grubbing for money and attention.

Singledom, or Single-dumb?

I am a woman who is single. In fact, I'm a woman who has had a divorce, but consider myself more single than divorced because I don't want my past relationships to define me. I'm not sure I want my current relationship status (single) to define me either, but considering the fact that this status affects many aspects of our lives (think taxes, employment, social standing, insurance rates) I'm willing to use it in some cases. I don't mind being single. I don't mind not having a man in my life because I know the work and tedium involved in keeping one happy. (And, dammit, next time I refuse to be responsible for his happiness! *Furiously taking down notes for a future post*)

I mention all of this because there is a cultural construct in our society that favors coupled people over single ones. Or, more accurately, favors heterosexual couples. I have firsthand experience with this, especially since moving to Virginia.

The place I live isn't exactly rural, but it's a tiny town surrounded by rural areas. There's a definite downtown and definite suburbs, maybe even exurbs. While I'm most comfortable in large cities, small towns have benefits, too. But, one thing I've noticed is that this small town isn't friendly at all to uncoupled people. Many of the social activities are geared toward families, children, couples. People seem very isolated from one another, except in their tight-knit and seemingly impenetrable families/cliques. You can imagine how difficult it has been for me living here as an uncoupled woman who knows nobody.

But I've also had some very blatant "single-dumb" experiences. The first was a dinner at a college administrator's house. I received an invitation in the mail, it seemed lovely, so I responded that I would attend. I understood that it would be a very small gathering, about ten people total. I was actually quite excited since this would give me a chance to speak with colleagues I don't interact with very often while probably eating a good meal.

I showed up at the administrator's house, eager for the evening's events, and was struck by what I saw as I entered the door. One of my colleagues was standing in the receiving room with an unfamiliar man. I'd never seen him before, and I wondered if he was a new professor, so I worked my way over to introduce myself. It turned out that he was the husband of my colleague.

Okay, that's odd, bringing your SO to dinner at an administrator's house. "Party foul!" I thought, imagining myself spilling the contents of my wineglass over her head. How unprofessional, right? As we talked, the rest of the guests arrived, each with a spouse. I started to get the hint, so I walked over to the host of the dinner and asked, "I didn't know we could bring a guest, how foolish of me!" I was thinking that I could have invited my (then) current flame, although I would hesitate because he'd probably be bored. "Yes, we have a list of everyone's spouse in our directory, so we invited them as well. But since you aren't married, we only addressed your invitation to you."

This next thing actually happened, I shit you not. The room fell quiet. The only reason my face blushed was because all eyes were on me, burning my skin. (In case you haven't noticed, I don't like attention and prefer anonymity.) Well, that, and the fact that I felt like a complete troll since someone thought it was appropriate to point out that I'm not married, and this is supposedly a bad thing. The colleague mentioned above broke the silence with, "I didn't know you weren't married." Thus began an interesting night.

When we sat down to dinner, I was the odd person out. Everyone was talking about their spouses, so I talked about my (then) current flame as though he were sitting at home feeling left out. I wish I hadn't done that. I wish I had the confidence to relish my independence in front of these people, who were so smug with the fact that they had someone to go home with and argue about the kids' homework/messy house/walking the dog/not being in the mood. Instead, I felt singled out, and bullied. The colleague quietly said to me, in a very passive aggressive way, "I don't think I could come to one of these things alone." Well, I can't imagine bringing a SO to such an event. Why would I bore him with the tedium of academia?

The second instance of "single-dumb" might be better classified as "singlism". Yesterday, I was looking at the website of a semi-local zoo. I clicked on the "Events" link to see if there was anything interesting coming up. There was, so I clicked on "More Information" to see about getting tickets. For me, the tickets would have cost $15. Not much. But for a "couple" they would only cost $25. So, if you happen to be one of the preferred "coupled" folks, you get a $5 discount on the event. I cannot see any reason why it should be cheaper for a couple to attend than for one person alone. I can understand advance tickets being cheaper, or tickets purchased online, simply because of the overhead required to sell tickets at the event. But is it really cheaper to feed a couple than it is to feed one person? Does the couple get a smaller plate? Or maybe they don't get salad or dessert? Somehow, I doubt it.

I know that many charity events sell tickets this way. I think it's repugnant. If I ever organize an event for charity, I will be strongly tempted to make the ticket for the single person cheaper than the ticket for the couple, considering that the single person probably only has one income to work with and has probably payed for being single in the past. (Okay, I admit it, I'd really just like to stick it to all those singlist assholes.)

To top all of this off, homosexual couples are almost invisible in many parts of the US. Do I think that the college would have acknowledged a homosexual couple and invited the SO to dinner at an administrator's house? Hell no. I know many people who love the homosexual folks in thier lives, but just wish they'd "get over it" and settle down with an opposite sex partner. Because, you know, being in a homosexual relationship doesn't count. You can't get married and have kids, and we all know that the planet needs more kids!

It's amazing that more than half of all women in the US are single, but we still treat coupledom as an ideal. Maybe when more than half of the men in the US are single, people will start looking at relationships differently, because THAT would be a crisis. Right? RIGHT?

Nothing says "morals" like gay-bashing and eating meat!

Via Pam, I learned that at UNC-Greensboro the College Republicans are staging Morality Week. In front of the library.

Honestly, I have no problem with groups like College Republicans, and feel they have every right to express their political concerns as any other group. Anti-choice? Fine. March against reproductive choice. Pro war? Go ahead and have a recruiter; hell, enlist yourself!

But when these groups spout hate speech, I have a problem. One of the events is called "Straight Pride Day" which is an obvious hijack of a similar event held by homosexuals. What we have here are folks who are so skeeved out by "teh butt sex" that they claim homosexuals are shoving their lifestyle in everyone's faces. They often ask, "Why can't you just keep it to yourself?"

My answer: Try keeping your heterosexuality to yourself. Don't wear a wedding ring. Don't hold hands with your spouse/partner. Don't put pictures of your spouse/partner on your desk. Don't change your name after marrying.

See? The list could go on and on.

But I'm actually used to this kind of hate speech, even if it does make my skin crawl every time. What bothers me is the PETA BBQ.

When I saw this, I was confused, and thought that there was a mistake. But in this case, the College Republicans did something just so clever, wouldn't you know. PETA stands for "People for the Eating of Tasty Animals". Get it? It's so funny, I forgot to laugh!

First off, what the hell does this have to do with the Republican platform? Is their new target vegetarians? Are animals getting in the way of their agenda? I'm really confused.

Second, well, it's just gross. I eat meat occasionally, and I don't think I could eat the BBQ that they served at such an event because it would remind me of why I don't eat meat very often. Are they really going to sit around and talk about how tasty that pig or cow is? That just sounds morbid and boring.

But now I've had a thought! Maybe this event will turn more people off meat, and produce some vegetarians, even if just part timers! Now, that would make me laugh!

Friday afternoon entertainment

My neighbor is a really happy guy. Which is a good thing, since my former neighbor was an abusive, demented drunk.

Thing is, I don't think my new neighbor realizes I can hear everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) that goes on in his apartment. Right now, he's singing in the shower. I'm sitting downstairs, and I can hear him all the way down here. And it's bad, in a totally hysterical way. If he knew that I could hear him, he'd probably be totally embarrassed, and never entertain me again.

But I've sworn to myself, if he starts singing something I know, I'm heading to the bathroom and joining in!

When your wit just makes you look like a twit

Via Sheezlebub, I heard about this lovely column from the Statesman Journal. Yeah, yeah, it's supposed to be "humorous" but, come on, what a dickhead!

I have a pretty good sense of humor, but this bile just trots out all the tired old jokes.
One.
More.
Time.

Just because Purcell's column is "opinion" and "humor" doesn't mean that you can't find offense in it.

The product of Purcell's ego masturbation is a call for everyone to get married. (Funny, I'm sure he didn't mean everyone, because surely gays and lesbians don't count.) Yup, ladies, you need a man to take care of! And someone else's mess to clean up! Because, without you, men will die:

"Look, ladies, deciding not to marry for your own well-being is one thing, but it is we you're not marrying in the process. Your decision is killing single men — literally."

Wah. He then goes on a bender of berating men in general, although I don't think this was his intent, because they basically can't take care of themselves and will drink themselves into oblivion until a woman comes and saves 'em. I have to tell this guy, right after I got married my now ex-husband started drinking more, not less; of course, so did I. (Comments on this from members of the He-Man Woman Haters Club will be deleted promptly.)

And he wasn't any sort of protection:

"And when you hear a prowler rattling the door knob in the middle of the night, whom do you send to investigate? Your cat?"

Right. When ex-hubby and I were living together before the wedding (the horrors!) I woke up at 2 a.m. to some backyard noises. I nudged the lug awake, and in military fashion he reached for his handgun and played James Bond to the backyard. He returned to bed silently. When I asked what it was, he replied, "I almost shot a racoon."

There are lots of great reasons to get married. But there are a lot more reasons not to get married, all of which are outlined in this column. So, ladies, if you want to know who not to marry, read Purcell's drivel. It makes me appreciate that Miles is the only man in my life!

And sorry, Purcell, but my cat can kick your ass any day!